Having Each Other's Back
by McRose
Summary: The epilogue! The end! Hope you like it! Shipper alert! Author: Janlaw. Premise: What if Mac had quit when the admiral wouldn't let Harm return to duty upon return from Paraguay.
1. Chapter 1

Having Each Other's Back

Author: Janlaw

Disclaimer: all the usual legalese.

Originally written for the Spring 2007 FicRecon/HBX "Ficathon"

Prompt: 'What if' Mac had quit when AJ wouldn't let Harm return to duty after they returned from Paraguay?

Begins during the Season 9 premiere in AJ's office, as the admiral's diatribe winds down.

"**Admiral, he saved my life!"**

"_Then put him on your payroll!"_

"_Drive a taxi" …. "Wrestle alligators." …. "Unreliable" … "Totally irresponsible" ……."Not a team player" …".Driven by emotions."_

The ugly words reverberated in the suddenly silent office.

"No." First whispered, then repeated in a stronger voice. "**No**."

Two letters. A simple word. What not to understand? The fog she'd been in for days was lifting. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. Clarity was returning. "Permission to speak freely Admiral?"

The two men looked at her warily, both realizing that no matter what the response was, she was going to have her say.

"I told him once ….that he was driven by emotions ….and that those emotions were going to get us killed." Mac's tone was quiet and reflective. "That time, I was the one with the 'dispassionate' plan. This time, those emotions saved my life. This time, his dispassionate plan destroyed the stingers."

"Mac, don't." Harm's eyes jerked from the wall of AJ's office to her face and back again. "Don't risk your career …."

"Career? Oh no." Mac's half laugh half snort was rueful. "Alligator wrestlers usually work in pairs, don't they? One backs up the other. One's there if something goes south."

"You see, Admiral, that's what's made us such a good team. Either I've had Harm's back or he's had mine. I should've known something wasn't right when Webb didn't ask for both of us."

"He said …" AJ's voice trailed off as he realized he had no idea what Webb had actually said.

Mac's eyes blazed dark in her scratched and bruised face. "I hope he'll be all right. I really want him to be all right – so _I _can be the one to break his nose this time. Tortured or not, I'm having trouble finding a lot of sympathy for him, considering that he nearly got Gunny killed, and then me."

"I guess what it comes down to admiral," Mac's voice turned bitter, "is what _I _did that was so wrong. What cases _I_ blew, what orders _I_ disobeyed, how it happened that all of a sudden, _I_ wasn't worth going after, _I_ wasn't of any value anymore to the Marine Corps or to JAG.

AJ shifted uneasily. "You don't understand …it wasn't about you ….my hands were tied ….I couldn't …."

"Not acceptable admiral." The light colonel was suddenly furious. "I was still on active duty, I checked my bank statement on line last night; I got paid for the last two weeks. When my CO has me in and tells me I'm needed for a mission, I believe him. I didn't think I had to ask if you'd vetted the mission, if you felt there were good odds it'd succeed. I sure didn't think I was being given a choice. To me, it was an order to be obeyed. And I sure as hell," Mac's voice was a grim hiss as she flung the words out "didn't think I'd be abandoned to die because you were mad at Harm!"

"Mac, it wasn't like that …" AJ's drew back at the fury evident in her face, and beside her, Harm blinked.

Mac was on a roll. "When I was _there_, listening to Webb scream while they tortured him, when Sadik put a knife in my fake stomach to see if I was really pregnant," she ignored the mens' gasps, "all I could think of was that if Gunny'd gotten away the three of you were looking for us. Then when he told the missionaries to kneel and shot them in the back of their heads, I hoped you weren't _anywhere_ where he could kill you too. Then when I was laying there, getting ready to try to go somewhere else in my mind while they tortured and raped me, or the other way around, all I could think of was that I hoped you'd take care of things the way I'd asked." Impatiently, as AJ stared at her. "In my letters, in my desk."

"Whatever." Mac gathered her Marine about her and reached into the leather portfolio she'd carried in with her, her uncle's gift when she'd graduated from law school. "I'm not working for a CO who thinks so little of my worth, even though I've done my best to be a good officer, a good lawyer, a good team player as well as a team leader ….an officer who went to the wall for her CO when_ he_ got in trouble…"

"If you want a transfer," AJ responded to her last. She interrupted him harshly.

"That's rich. I've been offered Marine orders practically monthly for the last few years. Good orders, too, for duty I was assured would get me my eagles and more, if I wanted it. I said I'd take my chances that Chief of Staff and the good work I was doing here would get me my eagles." Mac slapped her resignation onto AJ's desk, shoving the single page towards him.

"No, I'm through. Maybe you speak for the Commandant, maybe you don't. I have 16 years in. ButI can 'wrestle alligators' with the best of them and that's infinitely more desirable than working for you or a Navy or Marine Corps that just threw me away. I haven't taken a single day's leave this FY, more fool me, so by my count I have 80 days leave on the books. I just have to get my personal stuff and I'll be gone. This time, please don't 'forget' to process my paperwork."

Executing a sharp 'about face' Mac strode from the room, not waiting to be dismissed.

End scene one.


	2. Chapter 2

Having Each Other's Back – 2

_A few minutes later._

Carelessly grabbing the framed pictures from her bookcase and credenza, Mac stuffed them into her briefcase, barely glancing at them. She, Harm and AJ at his christening. Dancing at the NATO ball. Harriet, Bud and the kids. Chloe. She and Harm in Afghanistan. Another time. Another life.

Landing heavily in her desk chair, Mac fumbled in her center desk drawer for the manila envelope of her "from the grave" letters. Ripping open the sealed and taped flap, with it's stark "_to be opened in the event of my death_" notation, she impatiently spilled the inner envelopes onto the rarely seen, rarely bare, desk blotter.

_Chloe Madison. Capt Jarot please send to Lilyana. LT Harriet Sims and LT Bud Roberts. AJ Roberts. Col Matthew O'Hara. CDR Harmon Rabb. RADM AJ Chegwidden._ Pulling the latter from its envelope, Mac fumbled for the switch on her shredder and fed the single page into the whirring teeth. The phrases that had come from her heart as she'd penned them mocked in the morning sun streaming into the office. _"greatest honor to have served … inspired me to be better than I was … valued your friendship and leadership …"_

'Yeah, right,' Mac marveled at how easily the words had come, alone in the office after she'd left Harm and before she left her keys for Harriet and Bud to drive her corvette to their house while she went by cab to meet Webb at the airport. The only 'honor' was that when it'd really mattered she'd managed not to totally lose sight of her own. Looking blankly around her office, she briefly considered her posters and diplomas, then shook her head. She'd ask Harriet or Coates to take them home and she'd pick them up later.

"Ma'am!" Harriet's tearful voice was frantic behind her as she waited for the elevator. "What happened, ma'am? …Mac? The admiral wouldn't tell us anything. Is it true you and the commander aren't coming back?"

"Harriet." Mac tried to keep her voice even as she greeted her friend and colleague. "Will you bring my posters and diplomas home with you? I'll call you and come get them." Relenting at the anguish on Harriet's pretty face, "the corridor outside the bullpen isn't the place, Harriet. For now, suffice it to say that I thought I was TAD on a sanctioned mission to assist 'another government agency' but my CO apparently had another idea of my status. One called 'on your own.'"

"Look, I'll call you tonight," Mac said hurriedly as the elevator arrived and she moved into the space, thankful that no one else was on it. Pushing the button for the lobby, the Marine tried to smile reassuringly at Harriet's big blue eyes blinking back tears. There were far worse things than to be jobless.

End Scene 2.


	3. Chapter 3

See A/N at the end of the chapter to answer reviewer's question.

Having Each Other's Back – Scene 3

Emerging from the building with a plastic grocery bag containing the last few personal items from his office, Harm paused as he spotted Mac in the parking lot. He frowned as he saw her apparently walking aimlessly among the vehicles.

Realizing that her corvette wasn't in its reserved "Chief of Staff" spot next to the admiral's, he wondered briefly how she'd gotten to work – they'd met at the elevator and had silently entered the JAG quarterdeck into Tiner's farewell celebration.

As Harm watched, Mac shook her head back and forth and he could sense her exasperation as she put her briefcase and the portfolio she'd had in AJ's office down, fumbling in the side pocket of the briefcase for her cell phone.

Part of him wanted to call out to her, part of him wanted her to just be gone, so that his bitter anger could continue to simmer. The trouble was, his attempt to maintain that anger, anger that had festered and overflowed practically since he'd rescued Mac, only to watch her fawning over Webb within minutes, clashed with every word Mac had spoken in the admiral's office.

Unbidden and somewhat unwanted but refusing to go away, her words continued to reverberate in jerks and bursts in his mind.

'_saved my life ….break Webb's nose …..assumed you were trying to find us ….hoped you weren't anywhere where Sadik could get you too….put a knife in my fake stomach…shot the missionaries in the back of their heads ….waiting to be raped and tortured…'_

"Mac wait!" Watching her stab at the cell phone panel, Harm felt like he was watching himself from a distance as he rapidly crossed the parking lot. "Where's your car? I'll give you a ride."

"It's at Bud and Harriet's. I didn't know how long I'd be gone so I asked them to take it. I'll call a cab." Mac's voice was a dull montone as her eyes continued to search the parking lot for a car she knew wasn't there.

"No, I'll take you," Harm insisted. "I don't think Marines who resign can get unemployment. C'mom, save your money and let me give you a ride."

Looking anywhere but at him, Mac muttered "you don't have to."

"Mac." Harm's whisper carried on the slight breeze of the humid June day and for a moment she wasn't sure he'd spoken. "Can we have a 'do-over?'"

"WHAT!!!" Of whatever she'd thought – if she'd thought at all – he might say and do ….

"Only a few bits." Harm's words jumbled together rapidly. "I've gotta have something to substitute for the nightmares. Mac, things were such a mess down there….this isn't what I want and I don't believe it's what you want…"

Harm held his breath for a moment and then stepped forward decisively, dropping the bag of miscellaneous bits of eight years of his life. "C'mere …" he murmured, "c'mere…" wrapping his arms around Mac as she stood staring at him. He rubbed her back gently as she stood still and tense for a long moment, then he felt her body shudder as she leaned into him.

"Oh God, Harm, I was never so scared in my life. Not of dying, but that it wouldn't be quick…and that I'd never told you…." Her voice was so faint Harm wasn't sure if he was really hearing her or if he was imagining the words he could barely make out.

"I was so scared too" Harm mumbled. "Scared I wouldn't get there in time."

He couldn't see her face but he felt the wetness on his shirt. "I was so mean to you …I'm sorry Harm, I didn't mean any of it."

"I'm sorry too Mac. God, I never hugged you. I never even asked if you were okay – I just asked if you could walk …."

"You were right to focus on the mission…" Mac choked, "I just wanted ….just for a moment …."

"And once again I wasn't there for you…I couldn't give you what you wanted, what you needed." Harm's voice went flat, remembering another time in another far away country. "So once again…"

"No" Mac gasped …."we're not gonna do this _again_…"

"Did you mean it about breaking Webb's nose?" His need to know was suddenly fierce.

"Yes. He nearly got Gunny killed, and you and me."

"Well…he did get tortured – I assume he tried to protect you." Harm could hardly believe he was even saying it – saying anything remotely favorable about Webb's actions.

Mac's voice was sharp. "Harm don't go there. Yes, he did resist and as far as I know he didn't give up any intel but Sadik chose to torture him first instead of me. Maybe he thought a 'mere woman' wouldn't know anything of value, maybe he thought I'd start talking as soon as I heard 'my husband' scream …of course, he thought I was pregnant at that point. I would've thought a terrorist would torture the woman first – figure she'd spill her guts at the first shock, or her 'dear husband' would, at _her_ first scream."

"Whatever." Mac was tired of talking about it. "I'm not gonna let _anyone_ make me feel guilty that Webb was tortured instead of me."

"Then why'd you kiss him?" Harm would never have believed he could have asked.

Mac shuddered. "I dunno …maybe to shut him up…maybe because I thought he was gonna die" Her voice trailed off … "I saw Dalton all over again…O God, Harm, it was Dalton dying there…Harm, I didn't mean any of it, the things I said…."

"I was such a jerk too, yanking your chain instead of doing what I really wanted to do." Harm's larger body shook too, realizing anew just how close they had both come to dying in the hell that was the Chaco Boreal.

"If you didn't mean it and I didn't mean it" Harm paused, searching for the right words, or at least for some words that would convey what he wanted "and since we're both out of a job, you wanna work on a resume together?"

"A resume?" Mac was puzzled. "You mean help each other write our resumes?"

"Nope." Harm brushed her hair off her face, his thumbs rubbing at the tear tracks on her cheeks and lingering lightly on the scratches. "One resume Mac. We find a job we can share."

"Just a job?" It was Mac's turn to rub the dampness on his face, but her fingers moved of their own volition to caress his ears and the sides of his face.

"No ….a life…..there's nothing to stop us now Mac, nothing but ourselves if we let it... Carpe Diem Mac." Harm's voice shook with wanting.

"Speak English Harm. What are you proposing? And that's not a Freudian slip." Mac held her breath, waiting …..wanting ….

"I'm proposing….let's get married."

Covers went flying as the two officers whirled around, their bodies held so tightly together anyone watching have to look hard to discern they were two.

From his third floor window, Rear Admiral AJ Chegwidden's eyes glazed as he watched while he tried to decide whether to retire now or wait a few months, though what for, he didn't know. 'About damn time' he muttered.

Epilogue to follow.

Author's note: A reviewer asked what Mac meant when she said at the end of chapter 1 that she hadn't taken any leave "this FY."

FY Fiscal year, which is 1 October to the next 30 September. Servicemembers earn 2.5 days leave per month, or 30 days per FY. Since the action takes place in early June, Mac has earned 20 days leave that she hasn't taken. It is assumed that like most senior servicemembers, she has an additional 60 days accumulated over the years (with rare exceptions not applicable to this story that is the maximum permitted to be carried over from year to year). This is how most servicemembers getting ready to retire can take several months terminal leave before their official retirement date. You also have the option of "selling back" your unused leave when you're released from active duty or retire.


	4. Chapter 4

Having Each Other's Back

Epilogue.

Five days later.  
Harm's loft  
Washington, DC

"Got it!" Harm crowed, grinning broadly as he rose from where he'd been scrolling through job ads and reached for Mac, who was carefully fastening their miniature medals and Harm's wings onto their formal "mess dress" uniforms.

Wrapping his arms around her, he continued, "I've found our jobs!"

"What are we going to do?" Mac was happy to abandon the uniforms for the moment and turn to face Harm, lifting her face for his kiss.

"Mmmm…you're distracting me," he complained jokingly, planting lazy kisses on her cheeks as he held her close.

"ME?" Mac giggled, reaching up to return the favor and tugging him towards the couch.

_Later._

"Guess we distracted each other" Mac chuckled softly, raising her head off Harm's chest far enough to survey the trail of clothes strewn across the floor as her fingers continued to idly rub his chest in slow circles.

"We're entitled." Harm smiled happily, nudging Mac's head down to his chest again, his hands caressing the back of her head. "Love you," they murmured in unison.

"So, what work are we going to do? That is, if we don't get fired for 'distracting' each other too much." Mac didn't really care what they did as long as they did it together. In between ….. well, making up for six and a half years of UST, they'd decided their future, at least for the short term.

Mac's apartment was empty and returned to its owner, who'd been only too happy to let her out of the remaining months on her current lease. Gleefully informing her that he'd have it rented in two days for half again what she'd been paying, he wrote a check on the spot for her security deposit. Her furniture had been sold to a flea market dealer who lived below her, and a dozen cartons of her personal gear and mementos were in Bud and Harriet's garage. Harm's loft was listed and the agent assured them it was 'priced to sell.'

They'd decided quickly that they didn't want to take the DC, VA or MD bar exam, and also wanted away from government – a clean break with JAG and the military. Tossing out ideas, they'd decided to spend the summer on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, camping out if they couldn't find a reasonable rental, sure they could find jobs in the tourist-filled area, and perfecting their hang-gliding skills on the windy dunes where the Wright Brothers had flown.

They'd head south the day after tomorrow, after their wedding. "Are you sure Mac? You're sure you want to wear your uniform?"

"Yes." Mac was definite. "I want to wear it one more time. I want a happy memory of the last time I put my uniform on." Chaplain Turner would marry them at the Wall, with Harriet, Bud and Sturgis as witnesses. Harm and Mac had asked them not to tell anyone, just come as if they were going out for lunch. Plan B - if the admiral held them at JAG for any reason – the ceremony would be at dusk. Keeter was overseas out of touch, Chloe was taking her finals and Trish and Frank were on a cruise in the Greek Islands. Mac and Harm didn't care. Well, they cared, but not enough to wait. All they wanted was to be married to each other.

"So where's our job? Did you find something on the ocean?"

"Yeah … well …sorta. It's right near the water" Harm assured her, reluctantly rising from the sofa and grabbing his boxers. Returning to the computer, he waited for her to shrug into his t-shirt and join him.

"It's ...um-m-m…not the Outer Banks though. But it's on an island!"

"Hilton Head? Or further south? Amelia Island?" Mac shrugged – she really didn't care.

"Uh hhh …Baranof Island" Harm held his breath as Mac scrunched up her face, trying to place it.

She shook her head. "I'm not placing it. Is it off the Gulf coast?"

"Not that Gulf." Giving up, Harm blurted it out. "We're gonna teach in Sitka Alaska! Lookey here …" Harm's finger stabbed at the computer screen. "Sheldon Jackson College needs foreign language, math and PE instructors – the ad says they'll give preference to applicants who can teach the PE subjects – racquetball and basket ball. We can do that!"

"Sooooo…" Mac leaned over Harm's shoulder to study the screen. "We move to Alaska and take three jobs – do ya think they'll give us one salary or two?"

8 weeks later.

"We made the right decision." Balancing her paddle across her lap, Mac trailed her hand in the warm water of the Sitka Channel, admiring the setting sun behind Mount Edgecumbe on Japonski Island, connected by bridge to Sitka proper. "Is that an eagle?"

Watching the giant bird soar high above, the kayak floated on the evening tide as they joined hands and gazed skyward. Life after JAG had begun.

The end.


End file.
